exams exams exams. that's what we're all worried about.

just had a very wild thought. but it's too wild to be mentioned here.

seems like i'm losing contact with a lot of my friends, and i wonder why. actually i know why, and the problem is with me. and the problem is getting worse. i wonder how i end up the way i am right now.

8 more days to exams.

21 more days to freedom.

what kinda freedom actually?

had to worry about the bloody EID project along with my MiE's EN105.
both really deserves some worrying.

for the EID, we're not designing or even building an actual prototype. and we all know that every other group is trying to build a prototype.
every other group has met their mentor. ours? not yet.
every other group had a lot of group meetings. ours? we met once at the beginning of the semester.

perhaps it's because this is a 1AU module, therefore we do not put much importance to it. think we're gonna suffer because of it. hopefully, our financial projections for our projections will wow the judges. but seriously.. EID stands for Engineering Innovation and Design. what does financial projections have to do with it? WE DONT HAVE A PROTOTYPE!!! honestly, we picked a very difficult product to do. how are we gonna fit a bloody bluetooth microchip into something as small as a lock? and we dont even have the technical know-hows, i.e. we're civil engineers, not electronic engineers. therefore, me assessment of our team is this: we're gearing up for a major epic phailure session.

as for the 105 project, all i can say is that i'm disappointed with how things turned out. it is true that i learnt something: people value your character more than your efficiency and/or ability to get things done. id you dont socialise, you're in trouble. so for those people who want to take up a minor in entrepreneurship, please think twice. nobody cares if you can stay for 4 nights in a row to complete a financial projection, feasibility report, financial report, executive summary.

but that's enough.

oh and i have to get a job too. my current 105 groupmate expect me to be pennyless: "Can u postpone getting a job till we're done and satisfied with our business plan presentation?"

how do you expect me to contribute $$ to our business if i dont have the available start-up capital on my part? are you going to cut my shares? so difficult to explain to people who's got no $$ worries. dont tell me about not having $$ to buy a $20 bag/shirt/shorts/whatever.

i dont have $$ to even feed myself. literally.

which kinda brings me to another thought: please dont invite me to functions that will be held at places where they charge $10 for a fucking plate of what's essentially chicken meat between 2 pieces of bread and $7 for a bloody soft drink.

i dont have that kind of $$. i'm trying to start a business and i dont even have enough $$ to pump into that business.

invite me again 6months down the road when my business is supposed to be up and running, and HOPEFULLY, breakeven by then. 6mths to break even. i'm gonna be so eff-ing poor. well, that's the projection. things always go wrong.
for all i know, the business might just phail epicly and my parents are gonna find out how much money i've invested(or other words lost) to that useless piece of shit business.

realised with the start of this semester, havent been able to talk to WT much. it's just an occasional greeting when we passed by each other in school. i'm really feeling very sad. i suppose maybe it's just not meant to be.

oh speaking of which, havent spoken to P in ages. and i'm guessing it's around almost a year. maybe more than a year. after we had a really good thrashing out. well, it's not my fault that yo do not conform to the norm of the society and you're angry with me for pointing out the obvious?? you're the one that's ashamed of what you got yourself into. if not, why are you angry with me and giving me the cold shoulder? you should know me better. but looks like you dont. you thought i was finding trouble with you. you thought i didnt know you well enough. you SHOULD know that i meant nothing more when i asked those questions. if you previously thought we are such good friends, you MUST know that i' not one who minces my words. to a good/close friend, i say what's in my mind and i expect nothing less from you too.
you cant take the questions i asked and said i dont understand you. you're right. i DONT understand what you're trying to do. that is EXACTLY why i asked you those questions. previously when i asked other questions, you had no problems. you only thought something was wrong with me when i asked those questions pertaining to THAT particular issue. you're not being sensitive, you're being IMMATURE, because you know that is not expected of you, not from me, not from your friends, and DEFINITELY not from your PARENTS!
so you're putting all the blame and hatred on me JUST BECAUSE i am the only one out of your ENTIRE group of friends to have the BALLS to ask you those questions. FYI, one of your former classmate is now one of my classmate in NTU. S/he wonders the same thing too. and S/he also told me, ALL of your friends are wondering the same thing, they are just too embarrassed to ask you.
i choose to talk about this one year later because i hope in this period of one year, you're grown wiser and more MATURE. if not, it only means that you're still the same and before all of these happened, you were lying to everyone, including yourself.

i have no issues at all with your way of life. i respect that. but to respect that, i have to know you're being serious with it. all your friends who knows about your way of life also wants to know. if you cant tell us, it means you're ASHAMED and just lying to us and yourself. and dont give me crap such as "I dont have to prove or explain myself to anyone of you."

because if you dont, well, read the paragraph above again.

REMEMBER: ALL of your FRIENDS thought the same things about you after your ex-classmate told me. i'm the ONLY ONE with the BALLS to ask you. so now that you know, are you gonna ostracize the rest of your friends too? think about it.

i'm always here if you want to talk. forgive and forget is my forte. i wouldnt even think about the things you said to try to hurt me.