Thursday, February 11, 2010

the sadness of omnipotence..

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

one day out of possibly a whole year. I'm free. I have nothing on my agenda. Well, i have a lot, but i choose to drop everything.

I'm too burnt out with everything. Gotta take a break or something.

The MiE class schedule is out. It's really depressing to to look at it.

I feel like a stranger, to myself. It's not loneliness, it's the alone-ness. As if i don't know myself anymore.

Alone-ness.. Not loneliness..

Monday, February 1, 2010

Time for an update.

2009 passed by too quickly for me to make any evaluation and the rush of 2010 pretty much got me too busy to think about what i want to achieve.

last december was spent pursuing my MiE (Minor in Entrepreneurship). seriously, people taking a Minor in Business can kiss my ass. I've got only 1 week to learn how to churn out a full annual report for a company.

i'd say it was a fun experience. why am i using the past tense? it's not over yet. 2 more modules to go. EN104: a dry run of running a virtual business. EN105: you do it for real. although i'm more worried about EN104 than EN105 as i've already got a business plan and partners to work with.

speaking of which. the MiE took me out of my comfort zone. the 3D2N OBS was nothing. went through worse stuff than that during NS. it's the working together with all the students from other different schools and backgrounds that's really tough. eg. i'm a no-nonsense kind of fella and EN103 had me working with people who just love to procrastinate and work alone. such vast differences made me look as though i'm the odd one out. and for EN101 and EN102, i had to work with a 19yo indian girl whose only "job" experience was as in intern at HP. and she was just an admin assistant. and she arguing how it is easier to outsource everything to india because it's cheaper, faster and better. had to give her a crash course in international trade.


well, i've lost my virginity too. was at least waiting for that to happen in 2012. but it happened too early in 2009. last december was when i had to stay in school overnight for 5 days straight to rush out financial reports. (without sleep, i must add). thought i could have waited till my FYP before having to resort to such tortures. well, i guess you lose your virginity right when you least expect it.


because of our MiE project, i got to speak Mr Aston Soon, founder of Astons. really nice guy.

2009 also made me realise how close i was to dropping out of school. having flunked a core module and having to repeat it. good thing my schoolmates were really supportive. but i guess it's because of such fear that it spurred me to work harder. no more horsing around.

hopefully i dont flunk anymore modules as all the modules from 2nd year onwards are only offered once a year. cant afford to fail. must get at least a 2nd class honours.

christmas was spent at evon's mum's friend's place. quite a long link. starting to fall in love with traditional christmas feasts. new year eve and new year was spent at monica's place, evon's godsister. during the 2min space of watching the fireworks, i did a quick run-through of my situation and decided that sometimes it's just better to take a step back and shut one eye about mistakes made by others. so what if i managed to prove other people wrong and myself right?

we had our quarrels over the entire span of 2009. and things went to a meltdown stage on christmas day. nothing wrong actually. but i'm at fault for remembering too much details and this kinda added on stress to everyone. i was shocked when she finally yelled at me. nobody's perfect and i was asking for it.

so one of my resolutions for 2010 is:
stop being so serious in life and stop remembering all the nitty gritty details that's not going to do anyone any good.

but i've already failed the first half of that resolution. and it's caused by me 2nd resolution: to never lag behind in tutorials.

so much so that i've started reading ahead of the lectures and ended up being 2 weeks ahead of the lecture schedule. attempting the tutorials without fully understanding the concepts involved. that is very bad. i ended up doing everything wrongly.

now because of such self-applied pressure and rush(and also the fact that i didnt have a proper break during december because of the MiE), i'm burnt out. the last 4 days was spent stoning away and not getting anything done. now i'm behind schedule.

i've got to learn to pace myself. and this is very important since i'm very bogged down this semester. i've got at least 2 or 3 projects for HW210 Tech Comm, 1 major project lasting from now till mid-may for CV2902 EID and not to mention 2 more projects for my MiE course: EN104 is gonna last over the entire 1 week break in march while EN105 will last from march to september. and as part of my course requirements for the MiE, i have to attend business seminars all of this year.

honestly, i think i'm gonna break down very very very soon.

i feel so burnt out.

i should have known what i was getting myself into when i signed up to do the Minor.

maybe i'll just take this week as it comes. let myself recharge over the week, and start the rush again this weekend. all the project meetings and reports and stuff. not to mention tutorials and lectures that i was already behind schedule with.


perhaps the real culture of NTU is to just go jump.

you've got a problem, go to the window ledge. solves everything. lol.

i just hope people can stop adding stress and pressure to my already oh-so-hectic and frantic and cluttered life.