Monday, October 4, 2010


I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing here.

The past 2 months whizzed by me so quickly. Seems like I've lost my drive, my sense of direction. Especially in life.

Everywhere I look, I see a dismal future for myself.

How did things end up like this? I was so sure of myself and my choices.

But if it was really that bad, why did 200 to 300 other people made the same choice as me?

Or maybe I'm the one who followed blindly and made the same choice as the 200 to 300 people.

And character-wise, I'm a horrible person. I have no idea why I've changed this much.

This is not the kind of person I want to be. I don't want to hurting others with every single word that's blurted out of my mouth.

Week 6 of school. I'm 6 weeks behind in terms of my academics. Hard to believe that earlier this year I was still full of steam and rushing through all my work.

Now I'm just stagnant.

No drive and no sense of purpose in life.

Along with the absolute fear of death.

I'm really a horrible person, detested by all.

Like a message on a bottle floating along the waves. I wonder when will this SOS message be picked up and read. And how long will rescue come.

I hope it's not too late. I'm really unable to help myself anymore.

I don't know who to turn to for help anymore.

I'm sorry.

This is me apologising to myself, the people whom I've hurt, the people whom I've never made the effort to keep in touch with and the world.

I'm sorry.
Truly am.