i almost got a heart-attack.

i couldnt log-in into blogger even after trying out three different account names and sx different passwords. i finally remembered i have a gmail account.
big sigh of relieve.

pretty interesting day i guess.
i have, in a de facto status, flunked my basic theory test. because i woke up late. test was at 9.15am and i woke up at 9.30am.
where was my alarm?
my lousy wrist watch's alarm is so soft that i have to be wide awake and waiting there in order to hear it. and my cellphone's battery died in the middle of the night. so there was nothing to wake me up.

i still tried to rush down to ssdc though. i tried arguing and cajoling the staff there to let me take the test at the next time slot. but to no avail. so later i'm going down again to sign up for the whole damned course. $1800.

great.

the navy open house was really fun.
especially all those rides out into the open sea. alex and i was on one of the FCEPs out into the open sea and the coxswain was pushing the craft to full throttle. and of the kids there got motion-sickness and vomitted.
i can see the FCEP personnel's "du-lan" face as he used toilet papers to clean up everything.
hard-work and dedication from these people ensured everybody else enjoyed themselves at the open house.
respect for them.

my team and i was stationed at expo to help out. so while we were not on duty, we walked around the other expo halls. the food expo was GREAT.
haha.
the "whatever. anything" girls.
MX calls them "xiao-lians" since they are like the younger versions of "ah-lians". wanted to get some books at the MPH sale, but they didnt have anything by Neil Humphreys. disappointed.

saturday night we went out to changi airport after the open house closed for the day. went to supposedly to chill. we wanted to have the ice cream fondue at swensen's but the queue was disgustingly long. the same for popeye. we ended up at the delifrance at terminal one.i was satisfied with a chocolate eclair while gary had a whole set meal.

when we were done chilling at the airport, we ended in an argument as to whether to back to base or go tampines mall. we chose the former.

got myself the iced-mocha. and when i swallowed the whipped cream, my heart skipped a beat.

arr..

watched blades of glory. thought it was some lame-ass movie. but it's actually pretty good. the hunour used wasnt lame. lots of accidental jokes. and i find the two parts of the movie where the mascots got attcked very funny. the first mascot was set on fire while the second one was shot in the head with a cross-bow.

i feel like a loser. i'm so "shi bai". such a failure.
dont tell me anything about the courage to carry on with life.
courage is just well-concealed fear.

I hate stress.

i have no idea why i put myself through all these stress-inducing activities.

oh well.

supposed to go out for a drink last night. MX was asking if i wanted to go brewerkz or wine garage. i thought those guys arent going anywhere anymore. so i made other plans. but i'm pretty sure they went to wine garage since ricky isnt really a big fan of beer. he must have believed that beer belly nonsense that frederic told him.

alvin, we can probably go brewerkz or wine garage. i kinda like the onion rings there.

the other day was singing the songs Wei Yi and Kiss Goodbye by wang lee hom with corn. i didnt realise but corn complained that i go off-key easily and whenever the key goes a little higher, i'll go into falsetto. heh. didnt know i'm able to go into falsetto.

and then gary's mp3 player had the song "para para sakura" so all of guys started 'dancing' and fooling around. and kenneth threatened me,"Dont give me a reason to shoot you jeff."

so i cant dance and i cant sing.

沉默是因为包容

小妹妹,要吃糖果吗?

:-)

i'll try not to let myself get fooled again..

so how do i choose my background songs?

my mood at the moment.

it's reflective of the current mood.

bob marley's "dont worry behappy" dont help anymore.

i'm angry, and lacking any other stronger words, i'll just say it's an understatement.

dark music wont help me.

so sum41 will do. especially this song. Fat Lip.

Yeah. This is probably how i feel. Blank-ness.
Of course, last minute i was fuming. I've managed to contain my anger. Thus i was only fuming. but add to the fact that yesterday i've been thoroughly pissed off by my fellow colleagues.

AND

after a visit to my doctor last week, he told me i have high blood pressure.
Doc: it's not your fault. it's genetic. (from my father's side)
ME: ok.
Doc: So you need to try to control your anger and stay away from high-stress environments.

well, aint it easy? just dont get pissed off and dont stress yourself.

perhaps it's the way the quarrelling goes. a fight over a single word?

TAUNT.

i used to think it's nothing but a harmless joke. but who knew things can go way beyond my control?

"you know i'm not accusing your right? i just want to make sure you know what's going on."

yeah. taunting.

oh well. hell of a way to end everything after three months over one lousy word.

TAUNT.

perhaps it's bacause i simplify things when they should be complicated and i complicate things when they should be simplified.

i hate suspicions. i suspected something. the closeness. it cant be that innocent.

oh well. TAUNT-ing only, i guess?

Deja Vu is just a momentary infinitesimal lag in the operationof two co-active sensory nerve centers that commonly functioned simultaneously. There is no mistaking the awesome implications of my revelation: it was either an insight of divine origin or a hallucination; I'm either blessed or losing my mind.

*sigh*

It was neither deja vu, presque vu nor jamais vu...
at least i wont have to worry about me being busy the whole bloody week next week.
i'm thinking i'm more of jamais vu... never seen...

i asked for a reason and all i got is a quote:
"相爱不需要理由,分手没理由挽留."

aint that cute?

i just need someone to give me a call and tell me everything's alright...

but......

oh yeah!

7hrs of non-stop sleep. feeling very fresh now!

today my star tells me that i shouldnt be too philosophical with life. oh well, i'm just trying to make some sense somewhere.

anyway, just finished adding another game into my PSP.
was thinking of Dragon Ball Z. but it's just another you fight me I fight you type of games.
Samurai: State of War is a little medieval for me.
so i've settled for Killzone Liberation.

i cant wait to get a new laptop so i can go buy the new Command & Conquer 3!

NO PORK!

Dont be fooled by the name Captain Heartless, I'm not really a Captain.

To have to resort to violence means that someone, somewhere had screwed up. but then again.. ahh.. whatever.

4 more days to payday.


new PSP game for me. Burnout Legends! taking down other racers while racing to finishing line and trying not to be taken down.

Take-down 2 In-A-Row!
Take -Down 3 In-A-Row!
Take-Down Hot Streak!
Take-Down Rampage!

heh. but i'm losing interest in the game already. 2 days only! my short attention span. but i think it's just that the gameplay is way too repetitive. difficult yes, but repeating it's style of playing.

so many games, so little space.
i need to upgrade to a 4GB memory card soon.

i also need to buy a new bag. maybe a crumpler bag.

ahh.. forget it..

damn.

i was utterly pissed off yesterday. it's not because everything went down the drain, but because i wasted one of my precious leaves. applied leave for nothing.

oh well, but life gotta go on. so i went to watch spiderman on my own. three people in the ENTIRE cinema. aint that cool? just me, my popcorn and my coke. pretty cool movie. i mean there are the usual 'nice graphics', 'fantastic effects' and stuff. but please, please look out for the character development and the storyline. i must admit it's the best spiderman movie yet. unless of course we have spiderman 4.

watched some trailers too. some other movies i wanna watch. like pirates of the caribbean: at world's end, transformers(relive my childhood days), and two particular cartoon movies. i love comedies. with my high-stress life, comedies are good for my health. so they are Ratatouille and surf's up. something about a bunch of penguins surfing.

so after the movie, i went down to changi airport. coincidentally, grace was going overseas that day. i havent been to the airport for a very long time. i used to go there whenever i'm feeling down or any of the other negative feelings that i might describe as being an understatement of what i'm actually feeling. realised there are lots of students hanging out there. wow. just like when i was doing my O levels. hanging out there. but i wonder what some of those students are really doing there. are they there to study ot trying to help singapore boost her population. lots of them in school uniform locked in each others' embraces and from the way i observe, seem to be forever stuck at their lips.

go get a fucking room!

had enough of such nonsense. so went to esplanade, in particular, the rooftop terrace. as usual, the more public places are okay, but go to some obscure place and you see couples "stuck on each other". at least they're not in school uniform. except for one. both of them are wearing their school t-shirts. xxx PRIMARY school. and our country's leader are worried about our low population. so that is where singapore's YOUNG baby boomers are coming from. from the rooftop terrace atop the esplanade theatres.

wanted to go for a bumboat ride(water taxi). but it reminds me of my job. so decided to forgo it.

went to a library and FINALLY found the book "Catch-22" by Joseph Heller.
FINALLY.

went to a nearby Mac for dinner.

i hate fickle-minded people.
let me rephrase that.
i am ok with fickle-minded people because i can be one of them at times.

but DAMMIT!

do your thinking BEFORE you join the queue or when you or queueing.
DONT wait till you reach the counter then THINK.

DAMMIT.

was reading this particular book. and it said, "Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attackes the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do to others, we do to ourselves."

somehow after reading that, i feel a lot calmer.

*sigh*

after today's comissioning ceremony, went to carl juniors at vivo for lunch. i finally ordered something i like there.
double western bacon cheeseburger!

Sometimes when you sacrifice something precious, you're not really losing it. You're just passing it on to someone else.

*sigh*

==============

The Key to Friendship

The key to friendship

Is not in the hands you hold,

but in how you hold it.

Is not in the tears you dry,

but in all the reasons why.

Is not in the conversation,

but in the way you listen.

Thank you my friend,

for understanding and helping me unlock

everything within.

not really understanding the whole thing, but at least some parts of it.

the day before had lunch at adam road. nasi lemak. followed by ice cream at island cremery.
yesterday had lunch at this particular kopitiam next to mustafa.

a few weeks ago, Law said something interesting.
when you have a girlfriend who is really young, she'll get really excited and full of awe if you pick her up in a car. any car. but as she gets older, she becomes more sophisticated. she learns to look at the value of the car you're driving. she'll probably want to be picked up by a BMW, a Mercedes-Benz, or a Volvo. not jsut some ordinary Jap-made sedan, or especially the worse, you show up with a pick-up truck, lorry or a van. according to Law, if you were driving any of the last three type of vehicles, you might as well jus hire a cab. or maybe dont even show up.

cant believe that i actually believe a little of his nonsense. since had some experience of that myself.
just taking a look at my bank account, two more months and i'll be able to comfortably afford a Kia Picanto. a Proton Gen.2 CamPro would be better, but the whole emphasis here is COMFORTABLY afford.
i told my father that i'm thinking of buying a car in around two months time. he told me he's fine with anything as long as i dont get in (financial) trouble.

or maby i should save a LOT more money by buying a second-hand car at maybe around $10,000.
nah.
second-hand cars might not be reliable.

all those people standing around mrt stations and bus interchanges. they would stop you and ask you to help in a survey or buy something from them. i have developed a way to go around it. i'll purposely walk into and bump hard into one of those folks then say, "watch where you're walking!"