or lack thereof...

i'm getting a pretty bad hangover. all because i had a bottle Hooch last night. it wasnt my first time drinking that and the alcohol content isnt high enough. i guess i must be pretty tired yesterday.

for every black, there's a white..
for every right, there's a wrong..
for every time you try to be evil, you'll get your retribution..

i got mine..

my right arm is really sore from the badminton game because i smashed every single shot that came to me.

oh well.

i just spent quite a huge sum of money yesterday. soon i'll be needing to spend around $300.
no chance to save any money. damn.

and my father's pestering to quickly finish my driving lessons. what's the rush? my driving test is at january next year.

and i got humiliated very publicly yesterday.
i'm very very traumatised.
i'll never be able to step into the Heeren's ever again.

Madre De Dios!!

i'm being haunted!!
by the worst kind of ghost. actually is a person.

i need to shake that dude off. real quick.

my god.

i was just being polite when i was talking to that dude. now i'm being haunted.

today just didnt feel like a day on leave.
i was so busy.
still am, actually.

my father brought some guests home and i'm supposed to entertain them, but i have no idea what they are talking about.
they're talking about insurance, stocks, politics.
i understand a little on the last topic, but never mind. leave those middle-age people on their own. i might sound a little too radical for them.

xiao bai still DIDNT send me that important email after i reminded him. damn. what else does he knows other than eating.

he eats NON-STOP!

one whole packet of Famous Amos followed by three HUGE pineapple tarts.

my my.

i'm impressed.

went all the way to woodlands to fix my father's phone. why cant he do it on his own. and when i finally reached home, i got dragged out for a game of badminton.

not that i dislike playing badminton.
but i felt cheated.

i specifically stated that i dont want to be around that bitch. and thw whole gang still did it on purpose.

so i had no choice but to be a jerk. i smashed every single serve she gave me. at least it ended the game quick. would you want to play with someone who keeps making you lose?

i'm evil, but i have no choice. forgive me.

honestly i rather be at the airport with julia waiting for suyoupeng than stay at home and being treated like a servant. at least i can wait at one of the chairs there and sleep.

but somehow i'm wide awake now.

*BOOM*

i think i'll sleep in late tomorrow. maybe wake up at around 1pm and it'll just nice be time for me to go out. but that's impossible because i always wake up around 7.45am to 8.30am.

we'll see how it goes...

ooh..

I've just heard this joke. damn funny.

this little jap guy was in line at a money changer at the LAX and he was arguing with the counter staff
"Why i gid only one huna eighty dolla? yestodie i gid two huna dolla!"

to which the counter staff replied, "Fluctuations."

after hearing that, the little jap guy said, "Fluc you white pee-pole too!"

hahahahahaha to some of you who dont get the accent joke, the little jap guy thought that the counter staff was saying "Fuck you Asians."(Fluctuations get it?)

was having lunch at the TP centre mac yesterday and we saw three school girls in their uniform with one guy. the three girls are from certain convent school. and the guy wsa just wearing home clothes.

i'll call the three girls A, B and C.

so they guy was sitting with A and his hand around her waist. rubbing her waist up and down. B was sittig opposite them and C was at another table working on something on her laptop.

so i told desmond there's some hot rubbing action going on and he turned to look. then he told me to "dont get excted over such things la".

after a while HE was the one who alerted me to the enhanced situation. he said,"The guy has entered the cave."

haha

like wtf sia. speaking in codewords.
i took a look and he was right. the guy's hand is now inside the girl's skirt between her legs. cant see what the hand was doing inside, but he's going in-out in-out.

hahaha

so this time i told desmond to not get carried away himself.

but this is disgusting. there's a limit to public displays of affection. tsk tsk.
i wonder if they know the entire restaurant is staring at the free show.

and some reply to tags:
apologies i only saw them today.

JULIE/*julia: aye. i'm a lazy bugger. why dont i just pass you my log-in name and password and you help me do? but please no pink-ish or those princess-y stuff. and your face getting rounder because you're not getting enough sleep therefore sending me sms in the middle of the night all the time. because of your insomnia, your face getting rounder and rounder.

EMily: no prob. it was fun in its own way. we didnt manage to catch the movie in the end.

tze: nope. not so fast. after i get my license, i'll help it achieve zen status.

friend: yea. i need some of the contents to remind me of certain stuff.

spasticated or sparceticated?

never mind.

went for the compulsory ATV lesson yesterday. Automatic-Transmission Vehicle.

LOL.

one word to describe the whole lesson.
gay.

the gay-ness of it.
my god.

switch on the engine, step on the footbrake. move the gear selector from "P" to "D", release handbrake and finally release footbrake.

and the car moves off by itself.

gay

"It's called auto-creep. auto cars will move off when 'D' gear is engaged. it's just like manual transmission cars engaging half-clutch" the instructor said.

LOL
GAY

the S-course and the crank course is darn easy. no worries about maintain half-clutch control and brakes. i just need to tap on the brakes for auto car.

GAY

slope. i need to control clutch, brakes and accelerator for manual. release a little clutch, step a little on accelerator, then release more clutch, then step on accelerator until the bonnet seems to rise up THEN i release the handbrake. for auto car, i'll just stop at the stop line, pull up the handbrake, release footbrake, step a little on accelerator then release handbrake. and i'm off.

GAY

GAY GAY GAY GAY GAY

i feel so gay driving automatic transmission cars. it takes the fun out of driving.

wanna know how boring my life is?
was already asleep when received sms from julia about her insomnia at around 12.20am.
woke up
read the sms
went to kitchen to get a glass of water.
and
back to sleep.

i lead a boring life.

i'm on leave till this sunday.
PLEASE
anybody
PLEASE
jio me out.

Horrors

I'm sick. that's for sure.
thank goodness i've only fallen sick this week and not last week. when two people fell sick last week, robert and joseph had to mount 6Ds straight.

and at least i'm on leave tomorrow. well, for the whole of this week actually.

it's not flu, just stuffy and leaky nose.
it's not sore throat, just phlegm and hurts when i swallow anything.

praying hard it wont go full blown.

anyway
i found out jonathan's weakness.

he HATES trance music.

and so i decided to torture him.
i played a grand total of four songs before he lost it.

song 1 Heaven by DJ Sammy
song 2 Bad Boy by Cascada
song 3 Miracle by Cascada
song 4 Everytime We Touch by Cascada

actually halfway through song 4, he shouted, "That's it! I've had enough!" and he switched off my PSP.

:-)

there's a dull pain on my left ankle.

i got the game DJ Max Portable from Sherman. something like Audition but it's kinda hard for me.

maybe i'll go buy one copy for myself. even though it's difficult for me, i like that kinda games.

i'm in a major dilemma now. i made a promise to a friend of mine and now i have a conflict of interest.
my interest versus my friend's interest and both are just as important.

i think gary should go and buy his own PSP. honestly speaking, it's driving me nuts everytime he comes over and breathes down my neck (quite literally) when he's bending over to see what games i'm playing.

i cant stand him anymore.

yet that bugger keeps saying that he wont buy a PSP because he's gonna ORD soon. and so in the meantime, he'll borrow other people's PSP to play. and when the owners want their PSP back, the only way to get it back is to really lose your temper. and he takes his sister's PSP to play and tell his sister to focus on her studies. what a loser.

i hope he knows that because of something as trivial as a PSP has caused the entire team to despise him. he better wake up his idea. draw spec pay dont want to do work. wth. might as well demote and reduce pay.

dammit. xiao bai forgot to send me the email.

DRUG WARNING!

The following is an important announcement...

Police warn all clubbers, partygoers, and unsuspecting bar regulars to be alert and cautious when offered a drink by any women. A new date rape drug on the market called "beer" is used by many females to target unsuspecting men.

The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and "kegs".

"Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach.

After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking "beer," men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship." It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage."

Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after "beer" is administered and sex is offered by the predatory female.

Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However, if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.

For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.

perhaps these few days are the beginning of a journey of self-discovery? as in it can be quite literal.

this morning, due to the rain, i had to postpone my cycling trip. so i went to clear up my drawers. and i found this very important key that i had been looking for for almost a year. that key opens up another drawer in my closet.

the reason why i was desperate to open that closet is because i kept my RC car in it. i was worried that i might have absentmindedly lef the batteries inside and that the batteries will start to leak and spoil the Car. it cost me a good fortune to buy that RC car.

people from CJC especially from guitar club will remember me bringing it to guitar practices and playing that while i should actually be playing the guitar.

but back to the point.

i found this slip of paper and on it are the words:

JEFFREY YAO

"Remember the rain"
~S/CLT Ian

my god.

the memories came flooding back.

i opened the slip of paper cautiously and re-read the contents:

Dear Jeffrey,

I can see that you have gone through many experiences as a cadet, probably negative ones. I hope you learn from the creed "to shun the bad practices of those who have gone before me". Remember that. Also try to speak up more, as a CLT, one must learn to scold when necessary. It has been an honour being your instructor.

Sincerely,
S/CLT Ian Soh.

the 46th Cadet Lieutenant Course. where the entire platoon of air cadet trainees volunteered to take our punishment in the rain due to our own lack of discipline. we could have skipped the punishment due to the thunderstorm. but we took it.

and we matured. each of us in our own little way.

NCC is not about a bunch of kids pretending to be soldiers. it's about kids who are willing to take themselves out of their own comfort zone.
no doubt all the current CLT Courses will not be stay-in course. the trainees will never know what it'll be like to suffer for three weeks.

but the point is, military regimentation is one thing. we've all learnt to work together.

and Ian Soh was the first real capable leader i came across in my life.

it should be MY honour to have him as my instructor.

===========

went to bed at around 3am and when i woke up, i was finally able to fix the headlamp onto my bike. was able to go for my cycling trip after the rain stopped.

on my way back, went to get a haircut.

and the barber asked me: sideburn?
ME: cut.

i didnt want to get in trouble in camp because of my sideburns, so just cut it.

but that dude took his electrical shaver and started shaving from the bottom of the sideburn all the way to almost the TOP of my head.

ME: UNCLE! SIDEBURN ONLY!
barber: ya ya. i know. donch worry. i cut hair for army before.

what the hell.

now i look no different than those BMT recruits.

misadventure

why?


i'm not sure but maybe one of the causes is the double-shot espresso i had in the afternoon, so i'm actually wide-awake.


damn


i'm thick-skinned. no, that doesnt really defines me.


i dont care about how other people really feels as long as i get and/or achieve what i set out to do.
insensitive?
maybe.


maybe a hint of anti-socialness?


or indifference?


or... a little bit of everything?


although i'm awake, i have trouble focusing on my train of thoughts.
have been trying to fix the stupid LED headlamp to my bike since i reached home, without success.
will have to try again later in the morning.


my time is so precious and yet...
maybe from now on i'll just pretend to be busy, tied down by something or have some last minute thingy so i dont have to attend any of those pretentious gatherings. it's really getting into my nerves.

it can be so amazing.
one moment i was seething with anger.
now i'm perfectly alright.

i cas scanning through some of the emails a friend used to send to me and somehow the contents of those email gave me "a new lease of life".
i felt great again.

i dont know how to explain it.
but it's thoroughly amazing.

as though a wound has been healed.

i feel alive again, as if all negative-ness have been removed.

i'm at a complete loss of words for this wonderful phenomenon.

reading those words just made me feel strong again.

I FEEL READY TO TAKE ON THE WORLD AGAIN!

"feeling depresssed.. everybody does. there is not so much at this time for you to cut your wrist. A levels how? commit suicide izit? there's many more things for you to accomplish.
i noe how you feeling. i'm like that a person. acting so strong yet so weak inside. you noe why you acting so strong? u still have the will to act strong. likewise, use that strength to support your sorrows inside you. dont let them have the chance to eat you up and swallow you whole. fight against IT. u need people around you to help you. talk to us. we're willling to lend a listening ear. dont hurt yourself can? i'm lost for words..."

"you know something? sometimes i really wish to scold you.. that time the library incident i still remember so clearly i was totally fed up. i wanted to smash you into pieces. i wanted to scream: jeffrey, do you noe how worried i am? suddenly shut up looking so moody i still can put up with it.. you want to play dissapearing game with me is it? i can find you in a moment i tell you. you cant possibly hide from me. you guessed correctly. i was disappointed, angry.. but what did i do? i smiled at you. why? i was relieved. relieved that you were alright. you were at least find-able. i walked away thinking why had i done the reverse.. till now i still dun understand.
that day i went CJ look for you. i wanted to hug you. wanted to calm you. dun be so pressurize. dun look things at the negaitive side. wanted to scold you. why you so stupid go hurt yourself? why you didnt keep your promise that you'll not hurt yourself? why why why????? but i couldnt get anything out of my mouth. i wanted to look happy. i forcing myself to smile. i couldnt. cos' i'm too hurt. the next day i think, alvin send me an email. he asked me to ask you whether you like me. i told him to shut up cos i cant possibly ask you. reason is simple enough. i'm gonna suffer yet another very close to breakdown. i was worried bout you, my hw, my peers my sleep, everything.that's one of the reasons i didnt want to meet you that sat. i dun wish to see you. i'm bothered. i'm afraid my look will once again bother you like that day at CJ. now i'm breathable from everything including you. you told me your probs. i understand what you gone through. i'm happy that you are willing to share with me. i send the last email short cos i couldnt think. i was too sleepy. but i meant every word.
i repeat. look forward to your future. be a great guy and show everyone you're the best. no one can overtake you. "

yes, i'm gonna be a great guy, show everyone i'm the best and let no one overtake me!
amazed by the troubles i was facing back then.
it's AMAZING. i was so BLIND!

:-)

READY FOR THE WORLD! BRING IT ON!
HOOO-AHH!

took me a few years to realise i actually have a great friend then to support me through everything?

wow.

i know i had a great friend. but it's a simple case of "i LOOK, but i do not SEE."

i cant believe i let some petty differences(or something like that) get in the way of a great friendship!

jeez!

i hope the term "never too late" really really works.

I hope life isn't a joke, because i seriously don't get it.

SARANG HEYO

:-)