ooooohh... what? what? what?

feeling a little emo.

but the point is that all i've wanted to say is that..

you were what i wanted, what i needed
but things just kinda got screwed up because of freedom of speech
so now i kinda feel as though i'm living in a broken home of hopes and dreams.

i need lindt chocs.

============

i finally got myself an LED headlamp for my bike. cost me $2.05. i guessed the $0.05 was for the batteries because the batteries were leaking already.

had to buy another set of three batteries.

now, no more accidents when i cycle at night.

============

about two weeks ago, i went to have breakfast with ZH, Gareth, Gary and Josiah.

on my way there, i cycled past RJC.

no, i'm not gonna comment anything about the school or the students.

all i wanna say is that i miss school.
i miss being in that bus cramped with students from other schools.
i miss taking a short nap before flag-raising ceremony.
i miss worrying if i had failed my tests and exams.
i miss trying to avoid my lecturers because i ddint bother to finish my assignments.
i miss my friends.

to sum up everything, i miss the simplicity of life back then.

===========

sarang heyo

Things havent really gone really well.

but so far, no news is good news.

i better start typing certain things down before they start to elude my brain.

=========

i remember last time my friends used to visit my blog once in a while to drop off some tag. kinda made me feel that people at least still bothered about me. or at least they're wondering what i am up to.

especially this particular friend of mind. i wont mention the name, it's a series of numbers that i recognise my friends by. in this case, it's 32-50-41-40-52.

yes, the numbers dont make sense to anybody, but it's actually quite simple to crack the code. although i seriously hope that nobody cracks the code. i dont want to use names for fear of losing whatever friendship that i already have. but i need to use something that i can remember. hence the numbers.

again, i remember last year april i mentioned in my old blog something about crashing and burning. in fact, that was the title.

i guess i was to be at fault.

last week, my PC conducted a leadership lesson for all of us team leaders. and he asked me:
PC: Jeff, what do you think is the biggest thing holding you back from becoming a good leader?
ME: Laziness?
PC: But if you're lazy then you probably shouldnt be a leader in the first place. elaboration?
ME: I guess the whole point is that when we think about the consequence and the actions required to be taken, we'll think that they're all too troublesome and we'll want to take the easy way out.

so that was what i did last year april. i took the easy way out.
it wasnt that easy to muster my whole courage to do it. and yet even after i did, i still chickened out and chose to hide behind a smoke screen. even when i have a good friend supporting me all the way.

i guess what i have to say is that i've screwed up.

i should have made it very special, which i did. i just chose to take the easy way out even after spending a good portion of my time planning for everything to go according to plan.

i cant even get a simple thing right.

but the only consolation was that that was the first time i went out to fight for something i wanted so badly.

========

recently i had been given a brand new hope.
but in reality, i know it's a new false hope.

new FALSE hope.

but i choose to see things as half full instead of half-empty.

so to me, it's NEW false HOPE.

somehow linked to this issue was the conversation i overhear between DS and Sean. actually they were talking about how girls nowadays are going out and sleeping around with guys. well, i kinda agree with them. not that there's this lust for virgins. but if the girl is willing to sleep around with other guys, what makes you think she wont be just fooling around with you?

i seriously hope what i saw was fake or maybe it was like a form of expression and NOT a literal thing.

it's heart-wrenching and heart-breaking to see something like that.

i guess it's ok for the glass to be either half-empty or half-full, as long as other people keep their dirty hands off my glass.

========

i can book my driving test next week after i finish with lessons 24 and 25.
lesson 24 being divided into three parts:
a. three-point turn
b. emergency brake
c. "S" and crank courses
due to an upcoming exercise, i already have to cancel my PPCDL(Powered Pleasure Craft Driving License) test which was supposed to be today.

=========

SARANG HEYO

crap.

i'm at a total loss as to what to say.

these few days at work had been real shitty. so many things happened.

oh so stressful. i'm gonna break down soon.
i just want to curl up and cry.

and to make matters worse, my dad called me saturday morning. my grandfather was just diagnosed with third stage intestine cancer.

my head is in a mess.

everything's spiralling out of control.

i cant think straight. i cant think clearly. i'm not sure if i'm even thinking.

i havent seen my grandfather for at least 4years.

i just wanna shout at the top of my lungs!!!

"The more they smile, the happier they look, but the more secrets they hide."

on a totally different note, i finally got hold of Gary's mp3 player, so spent the whole evening choosing which songs that i like to put into my PSP. i came across the song "No.1" by BoA.

anybody remember that?
i sure do.

and memories that were being resurfaced by that song.

so for some people who have forgotten, it's the mass dance song for SRJC first three months in the year 2005.

1st three months of college. ahhh.. the memories. the friendship forged.
the kind of mess i got into:
I was so pissed with the then JC2s making fun of us that i kinda "relocated" there Computing projects into another folder. and renamed the original folder as "So Sue Me".

alas, the Computing teacher was a nice guy and he just told me not to do that anymore.

oh well, maybe i should meet up with everyone. but it's so difficult to get everyone and it'll always end up with only me, eugene, norman and alvin.

============

this afternoon went over to desmond's house to get something and the first thing his mother said to him was, "Boy ah! go do something to improve the cleanliness of your room!"

heh.

desmond then said to me, "Do what? by doing nothing then i'm improving the cleanliness of my room."

whatever.

============

"Jeff, you suck! And 'Mansion' map is damn gay lor!"

i couldnt remember any interesting quotes said by people around me, so i just used what sherman said to me last night while we were playing SOCOM: Fireteam Bravo2 on PSP.

this saturday, 4th august 2007, is very special. because it's someone's birthday.
Ricky's gonna die.
the whole bunch of us will celebrate his birthday for him.
and he'll most probably be crocodile-ed.
better get the medics on stand-by.

speaking of which, around a year ago, i spent around $50 or more on something i now regret spending.
if possible, i want that money back.

going to sentosa to get sun-tanned next week!