Things havent really gone really well.

but so far, no news is good news.

i better start typing certain things down before they start to elude my brain.

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i remember last time my friends used to visit my blog once in a while to drop off some tag. kinda made me feel that people at least still bothered about me. or at least they're wondering what i am up to.

especially this particular friend of mind. i wont mention the name, it's a series of numbers that i recognise my friends by. in this case, it's 32-50-41-40-52.

yes, the numbers dont make sense to anybody, but it's actually quite simple to crack the code. although i seriously hope that nobody cracks the code. i dont want to use names for fear of losing whatever friendship that i already have. but i need to use something that i can remember. hence the numbers.

again, i remember last year april i mentioned in my old blog something about crashing and burning. in fact, that was the title.

i guess i was to be at fault.

last week, my PC conducted a leadership lesson for all of us team leaders. and he asked me:
PC: Jeff, what do you think is the biggest thing holding you back from becoming a good leader?
ME: Laziness?
PC: But if you're lazy then you probably shouldnt be a leader in the first place. elaboration?
ME: I guess the whole point is that when we think about the consequence and the actions required to be taken, we'll think that they're all too troublesome and we'll want to take the easy way out.

so that was what i did last year april. i took the easy way out.
it wasnt that easy to muster my whole courage to do it. and yet even after i did, i still chickened out and chose to hide behind a smoke screen. even when i have a good friend supporting me all the way.

i guess what i have to say is that i've screwed up.

i should have made it very special, which i did. i just chose to take the easy way out even after spending a good portion of my time planning for everything to go according to plan.

i cant even get a simple thing right.

but the only consolation was that that was the first time i went out to fight for something i wanted so badly.

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recently i had been given a brand new hope.
but in reality, i know it's a new false hope.

new FALSE hope.

but i choose to see things as half full instead of half-empty.

so to me, it's NEW false HOPE.

somehow linked to this issue was the conversation i overhear between DS and Sean. actually they were talking about how girls nowadays are going out and sleeping around with guys. well, i kinda agree with them. not that there's this lust for virgins. but if the girl is willing to sleep around with other guys, what makes you think she wont be just fooling around with you?

i seriously hope what i saw was fake or maybe it was like a form of expression and NOT a literal thing.

it's heart-wrenching and heart-breaking to see something like that.

i guess it's ok for the glass to be either half-empty or half-full, as long as other people keep their dirty hands off my glass.

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i can book my driving test next week after i finish with lessons 24 and 25.
lesson 24 being divided into three parts:
a. three-point turn
b. emergency brake
c. "S" and crank courses
due to an upcoming exercise, i already have to cancel my PPCDL(Powered Pleasure Craft Driving License) test which was supposed to be today.

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SARANG HEYO