things get rather interesting once in a while. or maybe what i'm trying to say is LIFE gets interesting.

i went around reading other people's blog and i thought to myself, "damn. i'm missing out on so much."
no, i do not meant that serving NS has eaten away my private life. there are people i know who may be serving NS and yet still have the ability to live life to the fullest. maybe i dont really want to live life to the fullest. maybe i just want to laze around and do nothing. some of my friends are able to laze around and do nothing better than me.

maybe i have this inferiority thingy in me.

but i just dont know.

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friends have told me how terrible i looked. and that is the fact. the fact that i havent been able to sleep properly for the past few months. resulting in me always being tired and unable to think.

tossing and turning away throughout the whole night. i only get to fall asleep at around 5 or 6 am in the morning.

sigh

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something big happened recently. it's big. but i dont think i want to talk about it. at least not that openly.
it's big enough to start me thinking about my own life.

but the gist of it is that i bumped into rachel a few weeks ago.
she's around 18 this year and she has a three year old daughter.

the last time i saw her was around three years ago and she was working at a fastfood restaurant with a big belly.

having not seen each other for quite a long time, we went to a coffeeshop for a chat.

i realised.

she has matured. matured so much that it kinda scared me. she made me feel as though i'm still a kid even though i'm two years older than her.

a single mum working hard to support two mouths. (the guy disappeared and she was "disowned" by her parents and kicked out of the household)

i really really pity her and i really really dont know how to help.

i'm at a loss of words now.

partly because i'm tired.

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i've lost my interest in reading hemingway's books. they are way too deep for my tired mind.