Friday, June 27, 2008

today is both a good day and a bad day.

good in the sense that i clocked in my 5km run today at 17min27sec. i'm a whole 33sec faster!

bad in the sense that i forgot to wear a belt today. so my pants was like dropping after every few steps.

so embarrassing.

i'm gonna share some good stuff with everybody.

husband & wife:
In a divorce court, a woman requested the judge: "Your honour, I want to divorce my husband."
"But why?" asked the judge.
She replied, "Because he is unfaithful to me."
The judge asked, "How do you know?"
She replied, "My lord, not a single child resembles him."

love your enemy:
From his death bed, the husband called his wife and said, "One month after I die, I want you to marry Sammy."
"Sammy? But he is your enemy!"
"Yes, I know that! I've suffered all these years so let him suffer now."

Wedding Ring:
At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing the wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
The other replied, "Yes I am. I married the wrong man."

Why?:
"Dad I was away for a week. Yesterday I sent a fax to my wife I'd be home that night, and when I got into my room I found my wife in another man's arms.
Why Dad? Tell me why!"
Dad kept silent for a few minutes, then coolly said, "Maybe, Son, she didnt receive the fax."

Same Service:
A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now afterten years it's all different. I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."
"Why complain?" said the counselor. "You're still getting the same service."

talk about husband:
One woman told another, "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him?"

love to do:
A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her everytime they meet. Why dont you do that?"
"I would love to," replied the husband. "But I dont know her well enough."

No answer back:
A man was telling his friends, "When my wife gets infuriated, she starts shouting at me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares answers back."
One of his friends asked, "And when you're angry, what do you do?
the man replied, "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dares to answer back."

Come home late:
A woman was complaining to the neighbour that her husband always came home late, no matter how she tried to stop him.
"Take my advice," said the neighbour, "and do what I did. Once my husband came home at 3am in the morning and from my bed I called out: 'Is that you, Jim?'" and that cured him.
"Cured him!" asked the woman, "but how?"
The neighbour said, "You see, his name is Bill."

Problem father:
"You looked troubled," I told my friend, "What's your problem?"
He replied, "I'm going to be a father."
"But that's wonderful!" I said.
"What's so wonderful? My wife doesnt know about it yet."

laughs
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it's bad enough i'm feeling miserable and it's only going to get worse in the next few days.

why do you have to choose now to ignore me?

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