i smell a rat. i think someone's gonna assassinate me. my assassination's probably gonna be next week or the week after.

goodness..

i'm gonna go get bullet-proof vests.

will it be a long-distance kill with a sniper rifle?

or up-close-and-personal kind like stabbing?

me being from ntu. i think i'll be stabbed.

oh boy.

shit. i hate being pushed.

it's bad enough work sucks.

it sucks even more when life outside of work means i still get pushed around with deadlines.

i find it quite difficult to type out some decent posts these couple of months. maybe 2009 isnt a good year for blogging just looking at the post counts for any month this year and they are all single digits.

i guess i'm quite filled with anger and a lot of stuff.

maybe i should write on that.

so where shall we start?

my work?

i have nothing against my work, except the colleague of mine. quite an irritating bitch i tell you.

and yet all of a sudden i've decided not to talk about her. since she's gonna be leaving by the end of this month. i'll just put up with her nonsense for another week.

got my exam results back. expected the kind of grades i got. as mentioned in one of the previous posts: i did study hard, but it's just bad luck that the modules i had for 2nd semester is a lot tougher.

failed physics. expected. got an F. was actually hoping that even though i failed, i wouldnt fail so badly (getting an F) so dont have to re-do that module again.

this sucks.

i'm gonna be doing that module again next semester.

hmm..

i seem easily irritated these few weeks.

maybe it's the results.

i just dont feel like doing anything anymore.

no i dont want to go out.

but then again...

=====

the girl read on newspapers that some people who are depressed likes to cut themselves. she hasnt got the courage to try. as usual, the fear of pain.

she constantly wondered why is everyone so condescending towards her?

she knows she has a bad enough temper, but that doesnt warrant the kind of response on her. and unfortunately,she's not getting any response from her friends.

they shun her.

somehow it just added on to her depression.

everything adds up to her depression...

and as mentioned in previous post, she has actually died already.

she's dead.

jumped off a building.

why didnt her friends do anything beforehand to stop such tragedy from happening?
maybe they arent her friends, just pretending to be her friends.

we didnt do much to help her.
"i didnt to much to help too."

and the sad thing is that people only noticed her death after the stench from her rotting body got worse.

we are no better than animals.

her friends let her die even though everyone knew that she was mentally unstable.

animals.

=====

well, was watching some disney movie on tv just now. saw this scene where everyone was dancing in a ball.

reminds me how a few weeks ago the girlfriend wanted to teach me ballroom dancing. but the clumsy me. lol. two left feet? or is two right feet?

i kept stepping on her. either that or i kept tripping over myself. have to admire her patience. i gave up 10min later.

goodness.

i shouldnt dance.

fanny showed me one of her friend's blog today. the way she described it. sounds so explicit and sexual. turns out it's nothing much. perhaps it's because i'm older and have seen such nonsense before.

but oh well.

but i have to admit i like her friend's style of writing. pretty cool and interesting.

work sucks today.

the comforting news is that i fell sick AFTER my exams are over. how pathetic?

i was sick almost the entire duration of the exam period and three days before the exams end, i recovered. but on the last day of exams, i fell sick again.

i got one day of break.

lol-ness

==========

She was yelling at the top of her lungs to the whole world to just shut the fuck up and leave her the fuck alone.

only problem is......

the whole world already left her alone. and to be more precise, they cant really be bothered with her. and in a certain way, she knows that nobody really cares about her.

the world has forgotten about her
she knows she just wants attention

she can disappear off the face of the world right now and nobody will notice anything missing.

her so-called "best friends" wont notice her disappearance.

it's just one of the those things in life when you are no longer of any concern to anybody.

it pains the girl so much that she wanted to just jump off a building. to commit suicide without feeling too much pain.

yes, she's afraid of pain.

but after much deliberation, she came to the conclusion that her suicide wont be noticed till her body starts to rot and the stench starts to get on her neighbours' nerves. nobody would care. there will be no obituaries for her and no news coverage.

so she still wont get any attention.

in fact, she has died a few months ago. and nobody noticed.

aint it sad?

==========

the other day was telling my girlfriend that if for whatever reason i was to die anytime soon, i want the song "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life" by Monty Python to be playing on my funeral.

just to reflect the irony of life.

she just laughed it off and told me to be serious.

the sad thing was that i AM being serious...

HOLY CRAP!!! THAT WAS THE GAY-EST SHIT I'VE EVER READ!!

GOOSEBUMPS!!!

and i'm pissed because i spent more than an hour trying to mount a bloody umd iso video into my psp. putting the damned video in all folders didnt work. turn out i need to create a sub-folder within the iso folder and change the damned VSH menu to Sony NP9960 or something like that.

and when i'm finally done, the video is is japanese which i did not understand at all wasted 2 hours of my life. Gonna go stab somebody soon.